Snapshot 5 From Kai

     Music is life. Everything I do is to a beat of some sort. I can't stop hearing music. I know that sounds odd, but I literally cannot. I have a part, a voice inside my head that is like a non-stop radio station. I don't get to choose, either. I grew up on Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd. Anything metal or psychedelic rock. Today, I listen to everything except Nickelback. They know what they did. I carry an MP3 player on me at all times. The songs on them are varied and change every day. You might find Weird Al, t.A.T.u, or ponies singing about cupcakes.

     To give anything my full attention I have to be listening to music to free up my brain power. As I type this up I got Ekkosagen playing. It stops the part of my brain that keeps myself in time so I can keep on task. To say music is merely an important part of my life is an understatement. I can't properly function without it. I've missed a day of class because of it. It helps me deal with everything. I can't very well tell my professors I can come to class and do 100%, but I have to be wearing earbuds. If the internal radio is broken, it ain't happening.

     There are a lot of songs that, as soon as they start playing, will send me to a mood or memory. They are not always good ones. It can happen so suddenly that it makes it hard to be out and about. I honestly didn't know what to write in this blog as flashbacks, music, memories are all triggering factors of dissociation. I see all these happy memories in the blog, but I get flashbacks from various triggers involuntarily. DID, dissociative identity disorder, used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. I don't think I can pick a flashback or at least not one based on how the assignment wants me to. I think I'm done here.

One image that sums up my entire life. From the music I enjoyed, the visual representation of dissociation, to the music lyrics of Brain Damage explaining it. "You lock the door. And throw away the key. There's someone in my head, but it's not me."